Damn I am Good!

Had a job interview today...it went well I think but I kept having out of body experiences the whole time. I felt like I was looking down at myself. At some points I was thinking, wow, I am articulate, I didn't even know I could be so insightfull and other times I looked down at myself and saw my fat roles on my belly, saw my cheeks flushed from nerves and excitment, saw my unslightly man hands with crewed fingernails. (not that man hands are ugly but they are on a women. Women's hands on a man are considered graceful but the opposite is not true)

Sometimes I really do think Damn I am Good, but most of the time I think why can't I be extra-ordinary...why I can't I be the one that people are talking about...did you hear about mimlap she is really a bright star (mostly they don't say this because I cannot spell, it is not for lack of effort, it really is a disability that I have and i can't seem to get my blog to spell check) I also seem to be ok, but not wow. The funny thing is when someone really does believe in themselves ( not false confidence or bravado but real belief in oneself) people around them eat it up, believe it too, I have seen it time and time again...people believe about you what you tell them. (I know it does not apply all the time but 8 times out of 10 I bet.

Anyway....now I just want to climb into bed and disappear for a few days...I feel naked and affraid...maybe the evil after effects of having had a few moments today where I actually felt good about who I am...get thee behind me satan.

mimlap out

What is Normal???

Can someone please help me? I know this is a question that cannot be answered but I ask it anyway. What is normal? What is a normal amount of sad? What is a normal amount of chocholate to eat in one day? What is a normal amount of rage? I struggle to know, I struggle to know when to say...I need help..or you need help. when I do need help or you do, should it be from a professional or should we be able to help each other as friends? Love does cover a multitude of not normal!

hmmm

We Don't Need to Judge....

"Would more people come to church if they knew no one would judge them, because everyone there was so aware of his own brokenness that he couldn't possibly point a finger at someone else?" John Fischer - Confessions of a Caffinated Christian

Henri Nouwen makes this same point in "The Way of the Heart." See, a main line christian and a catholic priest saying the same thing, it must be a truth!

When I talk about not needing to tell people about judgement and how ugle they are, that they already know they are ugly...we can't point that judgement finger...this is what I mean, I am not a memeber of the "young people these days" who believe that there are no consequences...I feel that we are so guilty we cannot judge and if we really are aware of ourselves, the people around will be aware of our own attitudies and thoughts and become more aware of themselves. Relationship is the best way to bare our selves and let people see our ugly selves and the Grace that is flowing down to cover that ugly...what a powerful message...stop faking it, be naked and Love it other. (opps what kind of search would pull up this blog?)

I do believe the church as it is, is becoming irrelevant, so full of hypocrisy how can we possiblly expect people to come???? Revolution people, lets really see what happens, what kind of safe place we can be if we simply love people. Ya, I do think it is that simple.

See what reading can do to fire me up....I feel excited at the thought of a church that really works at not judging people, that doesn't have to add the BUT except when....

Any hoo just a few lite thoughts for the evening. Read "The Way of the Heart" study it, absorb it, it could cause a revolution....

mimlap out!