Honestly Living, living Honestly - what does it look life?

At church today I made a effort to live my life more honestly and I am scared what the reaction will be but I am even more scared that what I think won't make a difference, that no one will care. I want life to have a point and tried to express a thought to that end today. At the same time, same place I shyed away from taking a stand that I should have taken...of stating I would not accept a behaviour...I feel like Peter when he denied Christ, I feel like I did not stand for women kind, something I actually feel strongly about....

I think all kinds of courageous thoughts but I rarly say them. I am famous for saying I was so mad I ALMOST said something. When do you say a possiblly "rock the boat" kind of thing and when do you show caution and not rock the boat so that when the boat really needs to be rocked "THEY" take you seriously? I usually error on the side of caution but often leaves me enraged on the inside... What is living honestly? Obviously it is not saying every thought in your mind but what do you say and what do you not say? This is my boggled mind's question today...What does it meant to live honestly? Please let me know what you think.

What is the #$%^^&* point??

What is my purpose for each day? What am I here for? Does it matter what I am here for? Are we only here to be in relationship with each other, with God? Can our life really be purpose driven or is it all made up...another formula that eases us through each day, a false sense of importance? Are we arrogant to think we have more purpose then to love our friends and family and someone feed and clothes ourselves and maybe some others if we are rich enough? Most of the world works their hands to the bone each day just to eat... their purpose is to survive until tomorrow and figure out how to find food...for those of us in this nation where too much food is killing us...to much lesiure (sitting around, no exerise) is killing us...what is our purpose? What do we learn from each other? , the poor from the rich and the rich from the poor?

You know that saying "What you don't know can't hurt you?" maybe it is really the opposite, what we know hurts us...maybe we know too much...information is confusing us...making our head nosiy to the point of depression, overeatting, under eatting,

I have a job and three babies...I feel like I cannot do anymore then that...I fall into bed each night...any time I take, like this, is forced because otherwise I would have no fun, nothing to look forward to..but I pay for this time with fatigue....I should be doing more at church, give to my community, cook better meals, send thoughtful cards and do thoughtful things but I can't!!!! My purpose these days is to work, do a good job, try and get a promotion, secure myself in my job...to try be available to my kids and husband...help to keep my family...after that there is nothing left...but this feels so lonley and empty...this is supose to be the stuff of life...why do I feel so lonely and sad when I have a wonderful family, enough food on the table and clothes on my backside? What I am missing....why do I relate to Black Mama's song "I shot myself today" so much? What is the %^*()*(__*&^%^ point...Jesus I would ask you to write on the wall but American Idol is on just now....I don't have to time to read.