Temporary Insanity

I am happy, I am sad, I am insanly upset, I am tired of this coaster. If I were not pregnant I would definelty be considering happy pills at this point. Yesterday was my 33rd Birthday. We don't have much money so we agreed to a simple celebration. By the time the drive from work home was done, I walked in the door and my husband said hello (very kindly and lovingly) I burst into tears and a holocaust of hormones ensued. Needless to say we went out and I spend TOO much money. I have buyers remose today. It will take us 6 months to work off the debt...

It brings me to a question I have pondered greatly over the past few years. Aside from Temporary Insanity like pregnancy, what is a normal range of emotion? What is normal mad, normal sad? I tend to think that we medicate away a lot of the normal because it is easier. ..at the same time we are in a time of extreme pressure, no time for life, lonliness because we don't have time for freinds, we have kids, morages, rent, OSAP payments....how do we survive? Some days I really lose hope, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Don't worry, just the normal sort of what do I have to look forward to. .. Then I see something like Hotel Rwanda and want to slap myself, look at the luxury I live in, with freedom and without fear of my life...but I am not fulfilled, I am not happy.. what does that mean and where does God fit it???

hmmmm, I stroke my chin and go to get my kids out of the bath and into bed.

Home Alone on a Thursday Night

Well it looks I posted earlier today but I did not. When I set up my blog originally I took over Tim's personna...hmmm does this mean something? Anyway I had to re-set my blog and so actually this is my blog for today.

Thursday night used to be a great TV night... but then we started hosting a house group on Thursday nights. (house group-people from our church who we hang out with more then other people from our church) House group is great... I did not even miss the great TV, but tonight I do. We did not have house group tonight and all the shows are moving on the summer re-runs.. Alas, I have no TV to watch this evening.. I can't seem to read these days, I find it too emotionally draining and I can not seem to concentrate...Is this a lazy brain thing or a pregnancy thing or a I have to think all day at work and I don't want to think when I come home thing?

Well I should put my children to bed... actually I am not totally alone tonight, I will have sleeping children in the house.

Lord Bless this house-regenerate my intellect...wait if I start to think again, I may have to act...hmmm

My First Blog

My First Blog

Well, I got the bare bones of my blog together... I realise I am really out of the loop of the web communication world because I really did not have an idea of what to present about myself but it will evolve. Well, today is only beginning, no much has yet happened to blog about. I woke up to my one daughter yelling at the other to "Stop looking at me!" and then the other daughter (who was doing the offensive looking) bursting into tears of rejection.

The main topic on my mind these days is that I am pregnant. This is number three. I am fat, uncomfortable and very moody. I recently went to my midwife because I thought my moodiness must be being caused by something else other then a large belly but alas, I am just a plain old Bitch these days. I really do try not to be but the hormones, the homrmones!!!!

I guess the most distrubing thing is that I do not really want to be pregnant now. I don't want another baby. Some days I do, but mostly I feel really overwhelmed by the thought of three children, we struggle to get through each day as it is. HOW are we going to get through more sleepless nights, diapers again, baby food....

Anyway, a new day awaits me, let us see what it holds. I will probablly feel very happy is about 3 min.... hormones, oh the hormones....