What Kind of Sex Should We be Having????

ha ha, got you hooked right? My minding is mulling over what should we be expecting from marriage and/or sex? What does a normal relationship look like? I cannot accept the bull that everyone is different and you can't really say. There definently seems to be some key ingredients to get people through to that 50 yr anniverary. When I think of my parents (50 yrs next summer) they found each other attractive, had the same missionary goals (to go to Africa that is!), got married and stay married, not being married was not an option and so they made their way through what ever. They did not seem to have many expectations of each other, they were really each other's help mate, they wanted to have children and so they helped each other in that. There was a practicality to it all. They wanted to be missionaries and they helped each other in that. They seem even more in love now, it is more then practicality now. They seem to understand that on this side of the ocean of life, they have each other, someone to grow old with who will not be ashamed to wipe the others' bum if they can't do it for themselves... there is something so beautiful in that. But how did they make it that far? As a culture we put too much pressure on relationships to fill us, make us feel loved, beautiful, smart, sexy, complete. Is that fair, is that why marriage can't last long these days, because you cannot maintain all that for very long. So what can we expect from marriage that isn't giving up/setteling/ being lazy, but at the same time isn't killing it with unrealistic expectation?

I have similar questions about sex. What is a normal number of times to have sex per week, month, year, is it spiritual or just sex, should you "make" yourself do it even if you don't want to for the other person's sake? How can you create a safe place were both people get as much and as good sex as they can imagine. Men and women have different needs, different times in life biologically when they peak, what does that mean... are we always at different places sexually so we have to be always giving, serving the other? What is realistic to expect. Should we have higher expectations? How do we keep ourselves from wondering? Who can help us through this wilderness, I want to know so that if I really don't need to be worring about it then I can relax and know what is normal???

It's the flicker of our flames
It's the friction born of living
It's the way we beat a hot retreat
and heave our smoking guns into the river
Sometimes it feels like bars of steel I cannot bend with my hands
oh-I worry too much

Mark Heard -Second Hand